Clancy's View

Why Are We Still There?

Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV there are photos of death and destruction.
Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble.
Why are we still there?

Many of our children go there and never come back.
Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and they have loopy leadership.
Why are we still there?

Many of their people are uncivilized.
Why are we still there?

The place is subject to natural disasters, which we are supposed to bail them out of.
Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects, which we do not understand.
Why are we still there?

Their folkways, foods and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans.
Why are we still there?

We can't even secure the borders.
Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost billions more to rebuild, which we can't afford.
Why are we still there?

It is becoming clear.. we must pull out of California.

GF is gonna kill me for this one...

Hot Tramp I Love You So

What would you get if you combined a guitar player with a bass guitar, a drummer, a percussionist and a lead singer plus a horn section consisting of a trombone, a trumpet and a french horn, plus 3 keyboard players, a violinist, a harp, and tambourine player and, to top it all off, 9 choral singers? (For those of you too lazy to do the math that’s 23 band members.) Wait! - before you answer - dress them in white choir robes (shoes optional) and make sure they bounce around on the stage like maniacs.

Their curator calls the ‘Hair meets the Flaming Lips.’ They call themselves Polyphonic Spree. GF and I have yet another title – we call them the worst opening act we’ve ever seen. In GF’s case, they displaced Wang Chung on her list of worst opening acts (they opened for the Cars – her very first concert). In my case it was Yngwie Malmsteen (don’t ask). Perhaps we were just disappointed. We wanted to like them and they’ve received good reviews. But, despite the lineup, there was no anticipated “Wall of Sound,” just a cacophony of, well, cacophony. Fortunately, they didn’t play too long and the real reason we went to the Wachovia Center last night took the stage around 9:00.

And all I really know to say is: Wow! I’ve never been a big Bowie fan. I’m more of a drive-by Bowie fan. I can appreciate his music, but I like him only in small doses doing mainly his hits (yes, even the 80’s sell-out stuff). But last night I was converted. And GF is happy as she’s a huge Bowie fan. If Bowie is in your neighborhood, check him out. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Just don’t be in a hurry to catch the opening act…

Photos!

To make up for my the complete lack of postage lately, I decided to past some pictures of GF and myself. These pictures were taken while on a trip to Colorado (GF home state)…

Oh, did I saw pictures? Sorry. I meant they were our South Park Alter Ego's. Notice GF's "wolverine" blades. She says this is just her work persona...

STFU Already

Well, I started out this morning with the intentions of writing a post about the long overdue passing of Sheikh Ahmed Yassin. While catching up on my reading, I stumbled across Banagor’s assessment (via Misha) and it say’s pretty much all I wanted to say so I’ll just tell you to go read it instead.

Here’s a preview:

So, to all the leaders of the "world community", and especially the European Union who are, as I type this, considering how harshly to condemn Israel for this action: Shut The Fuck Up Already.

Also check out Lilkes. He is especially eloquent this morning.

This Is Why I Don’t Trust Major News Networks

They rely on crap like this:

Taliban Doubt Al-Zawahri Among Cornered Militants

SPIN BOLDAK, Afghanistan (Reuters) - An official of Afghanistan's ousted Taliban regime said Friday he doubted the deputy leader of their al Qaeda allies was among militants cornered by Pakistani troops in a border battle.

"According to my information Dr Ayman al-Zawahri is not in that area," said former Taliban defense minister, Mullah Obaidullah Akhund.

According to your information? Who are you now, the Taliban Travel Agent? Assuming Mullah Dickweed here is who he claims to be, exactly how likely do you think it is that he knows anything about where anyone else is?

Pakistani forces have faced ferocious resistance from suspected al Qaeda militants and Pakistani tribesmen in the South Waziristan area since launching a sweep Tuesday, leading to speculation they may be protecting al-Zawahri, Osama bin Laden's right-hand man.

"It would be a speculation to say where senior al Qaeda leaders have taken shelter because they keep on changing their hideouts," Akhund told Reuters by telephone from an undisclosed location.

Speculation, huh? Isn’t that what I just said above? And what’s with this undisclosed location crap? How does reuters have any clue who they were talking to?

"Even if he is there it would be very difficult to get him alive. He has support among Muslims everywhere. The people will help him get of the area," he said.

"But if he is unable to escape, he would prefer to become a martyr," he said.

He’s destined to be a martyr one way or another. It doesn’t really matter which.

The Taliban were ousted in a U.S.-led offensive in late 2001 in the wake of the September 11 attacks on the United States, blamed on bin Laden, who was for years given sanctuary by the Taliban.

Blamed? BLAMED on bin Laden? I have to stop smoking that crack. I could have sworn it was common knowledge that bin Laden TOOK FREAKING CREDIT FOR THE 9/11 ATTACKS!

SPIN BOLDAK, indeed.

The Last Day of Winter

It’s going out with a bang in my neighborhood. 2-3 inches of very heavy, slushy white stuff covered everything and made for another interesting ride into work this morning. Although by lunch all the white stuff is gone, it’s still windy and cold out there. All this winter nonsense makes me want to go kill Phil - that stupid groundhog can’t see its shadow next year if it’s dead!

I’m rooting for spring.

Have You Seen It?

My motivation, that is. I seem to have misplaced it...

More blogging soon. Everything I've written so far today has sucked.

Meanwhile, go check out Rob, he found yet another cool penguin/yeti game...

Oh - and check out Tiffani too. Not only is her blog off to an excellent start, but she had the good taste to blogroll me too!

French Courage

Out of the wacky news column comes this little gem.

A Frenchman was convicted for trying to run over a pedestrian he mistook for Osama bin Laden.

What? Am I reading this right? A frenchman actually tried to do some good and even aid the US in attempting to capture or kill Osama? That would require courage, integrity and strength – values notably lacking in frenchman.

The man's lawyer, David Mendel, said his client was traumatized by last week's terror attacks in Madrid and was temporarily the "victim of a hallucination," while driving Monday through Montpellier's historic center.

Ahhh… A "victim of a hallucination" – OK, this is starting to make sense. Perhaps he was hallucinating that he wasn’t a frenchman too.

"It wasn't bin Laden," Mendel said. "If it was, we would have won US$5 million."

Alas, the real motivation of this frenchman’s courage is revealed.

More Reading Between the Lines

It’s March 16th and spring is just around the corner, but it seems that mother nature isn’t done with winter just yet. We got a nice mini-blizzard just in time for the commute this morning. The snow never really stuck to the roads, but it came so fast and furious that visibility was reduced to near white-out conditions at times. We drove sensibly and made it to work just fine. Unfortunately there were a few others who didn’t…

Snow, slush and sleet that fell across New Castle County this morning caused about 50 minor traffic accidents, state police said.

Few of the accidents resulted in injuries, said state police spokesman Lt. Joseph Aviola. Most involved vehicles that had slid off the roadway or into other vehicles, he said.

“It’s been quite a messy morning for us,” Aviola said. “People saw it snowing, but for whatever reason they didn’t take it seriously.”

I think what spokesman Aviola really meant to say was; “It’s been quite a messy morning for us. We live in the northeast and snow is a pretty regular occurrence during the winter time around here. But it seems there are too many stupid assholes out there driving around and about 50 or so of them were on the road this morning and they did exactly what stupid assholes are prone to do – they drove like stupid assholes and got into an accident.”

Reading Between the Lines

GF explained to me last night that her innocuous little message over a year ago actually said way more than it appeared to. When she wrote “…may the year bring all that's best” what she actually meant was “If you’re out smokin', drinking and whoopin’ it up, then cut it out. If you have a new chicky girl girlfriend and you’re in love, then good for you because that is best. But if I’m what’s best, then dammit, cut it out and get back over here!”

Luckily for me, I figured it out without actually understanding it...

Vivir Con Miedo Es Como Vivir A Media...

GF and I have a bit of a history. We’ve dated several times before and we’re on what we affectionately call “Part 3” now. On my birthday last year I got the following email:

'Gone' doesn't mean forgotten. Happy Birthday - may the year bring all that's best.

To which I replied…

Thank you so very much - It means a lot to me that you remembered to write.

I've been thinking about you a lot. In fact, I even started composing an email to you last week, but (obviously) I haven't sent it yet. I'm not sure what I was waiting for - perhaps it was this note from you. The basic gist of that email, in a far less eloquent manner, is as follows:

At one time you had written that if the road did ever lead back to you that I should dare to take it. Alas, I am daring. I don't know what has changed in your world and I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again.

If, by chance you too are still daring, and you do want to see/talk to me again, I can offer no assurances. But I do know this - I never want to hurt you again.

There is so much more I want to write, but none if it sounds right, or even appropriate at this time.

Whatever you decide, you will never be forgotten.

Obviously, things went well from there forward. Today marks 1 year from our “first date” for Part 3, hence it is our anniversary of sorts.

Happy anniversary dear. I love you with all of my heart.

Spainish Voters Send Message to Al Qaeda

Spanish voters sent a message when their newly elected prime minister, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero said:

"the war has been a disaster, the occupation continues to be a disaster. . . . There must be consequences. There has been one already," he said, "the election result. The second will be that Spanish troops will come back."

The message is hidden between the lines of the above quote and it requires only a modicum of common sense to decode. The message is: Terrorism works!

Pansies.

UPDATE: Steve said it all with a little more detail...

UPDATE II: Still Pissed

I am still pissed over the Spanish elections. How could an entire country allow themselves to be manipulated so easily? Last week, Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar was enjoying a huge lead in the poles. Then some sick psycho maniacs killed 200 people in a terrorist attack and in the secondary explosions the Spanish people poop their pants and oust their leader in favor of a supreme pansy who vows to withdraw their troops from what they see is a failed war on terrorism. The irony is deafening.

From:

If, as evidence suggests, al Qaeda or its sympathisers were behind last week's blasts in Madrid, the election upset in Spain will be seen as the first time Islamic militants have toppled a Western government by killing civilians.

"They will be thinking they've achieved something absolutely extraordinary," said David Claridge, managing director of Janusian Security Risk Management, a London-based consultancy that analyses security risk for commercial clients.

AND. THEY. HAVE.

"I think that that will be used as a propaganda and recruitment weapon for al Qaeda," Wilkinson said. "I am quite sure that they will exploit that to the full."

Well no fricking duh!

All of this begs the question - How safe will it be in the United States in November? That all depends on how short Al Qaeda memory truly is. I’m pretty confident that a terrorist attack on US soil close to the election will only insure that the American people retain the only Presidential candidate with a real set of balls.

Cheeseburger in Paradise

The House of Representatives today passed a bill banning frivolous lawsuits against fast food chains for making their customers fat. Their reasoning is summed up in this example.

In the best-known case, a federal judge in New York last year dismissed a lawsuit filed against McDonald's on behalf of two overweight teenagers that contended the company was hiding the health risks of Big Macs and Chicken McNuggets. U.S. District Judge Robert W. Sweet said it was well-known that fast food contains high levels of potentially harmful ingredients such as fat and salt.

The article also quotes Rep. Kay Granger who say this:

"Americans can sue the McDonald's and Burger Kings of the world until these establishments can pay no more, but not one American will lose weight until they eat better and exercise more frequently."

And in yet another source, I found this little gem:

Congressman James Sensenbrenner (R-WI) said, "You made yourself obese. It wasn't the system that did it, or the local fast-food chain that did it. You did it yourself."

While I agree that our legal system has a major problem with stupid and frivolous lawsuits, this sounds like a good bill. Or does it?

After all, obesity kills. And there is no doubt that obesity-related disease and illnesses are a huge drain on the economic resources of society and employers.

Am I making this too hard to follow? Let's supposed that U.S. District Judge Robert W. Sweet had actually said: "...it was well-known that fast food tabacco contains high levels of potentially harmful ingredients…" Perhaps Rep. Granger had said "Americans can sue the McDonald's R.J. Reynolds Burger Kings and Phillips Morris' of the world until these establishments can pay no more, but not one American will lose weight until they eat better and exercise more frequently be safe from smoking related illnesses until they stop smoking. And perhaps Congressman Sensenbrenner said, "You made yourself obese smoked. It wasn't the system that did it, or the local fast-food chain Tobacco Industry that did it. You did it yourself."

Really - what's the difference? If it was so good for the tobacco industry, why isn’t it good for the fast-food industry?

Personal responsibility folks – that’s all I’m asking. Well, that and perhaps a couple of judges who have the balls to look a plaintiff in the face and say “Your lawsuit is stupid and it’s wasting the courts time. Furthermore, your counsel is stupid and he/she’s wasted your money. Case dismissed on grounds of stupidity.”

Do You Want Fries With That?

I don’t eat McDonald’s because … well … yuck! But after reading this site, linked to from Frank’s, I’m suddenly craving a Big Mac. And supersize it too please…

Life Imitates Art

Well, kinda. If you consider “Friends” art. Anyway – remember when Ross had a monkey named Marcel? It really happened…

Two marmosets, two capuchins, two squirrel monkeys and the spider were confiscated from the home of Orlando Lopez on Tuesday, leaving him brokenhearted.

"They're like my kids," Lopez said in Wednesday's Daily News. "I'm going to do the best to get all of these animals back."

I hope Orlando gets to go visit them in the zoo – and that no one steals them…

I Did Not Have Sex With That Woman

Ever since our former president explained to all of us that oral sex is not really sex, it seems to have become quite popular with the younger generations. I just wasn’t aware how much younger:

a group of children went to an isolated area of the band room, where the 11-year-old girl performed oral sex on the 13-year-old boy, while other students shielded what was happening.

An 11 year old? Oh. My. God. Just remember this when someone tells you that character doesn’t matter.

Please Make my Change in Small Bills…

Harvey, over at Bad money should have scooped this story before me…

COVINGTON, Ga. - A woman was caught trying to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at a Wal-Mart, and was later found with two more of the bills in her purse, police said

Maybe she should have tried a smaller denomination first.

Get Into The Zone, the Dumb Zone

I like to do my own auto maintenance. I learned to do it out of necessity, but now I do it because I’ve just never found a garage I could trust. This weekend I resolved to give my truck some loving attention and I stopped by Auto Zone to pick up the necessary parts. After waiting at the parts counter for what seemed liked forever (about 5 minutes), a dumpy looking kid finally appeared and after staring at his computer monitor for a couple of seconds, asked me if I need help.

Me: “Yeah, I need a serpentine belt for a 2000 Toyota Tundra V8 4x4”
DofusBoy: “A 2000?”
Me: “Yeah”
DofusBoy: “Toyota?”
Me: “Yeah”
DofusBoy: “Is it a car or a truck?”
Me: “Truck … Tundra”
DofusBoy: “V6 or V8?”
Me: “V8”
DofusBoy: “4x4 or 4x2?”
Me: “4x4”
DofusBoy: Air conditioning?”
Me: “Yeah”
DofusBoy: “That’ll be 13.99”
Me: “OK”
DofusBoy: “Will you need anything else?”
Me: “Yeah, I need some brake shoes for that too.”
DofusBoy: “OK” “front or rear?”
Me: “Brake shoes … … Rear”
DofusBoy: “That’ll be 15.99 – lifetime warranty.”
Me: “Cool”

DofusBoy pissed me off. Not only did he prove that he couldn’t listen, he also proved that he knows nothing about cars. For those of you who may not know, brakes may take either brake pads or brake shoes depending on what type brakes they are. Disc brakes use brake pads and drum brakes use brake shoes. Disc = Pads, Drums = Shoes. My ‘68 Mustang had drum brakes in the front (and boy did they suck), but just about every new car or light truck sold in this country in the last, oh, 30 years or so, has used DISC BRAKES IN THE FRONT! Thus, anyone asking for brakes shoes for a modern car is by default specifing that they are for the rear of the vehicle. This is really basic car trivia 101. It’s something a parts counter person should know. Really.

What makes this so sad is that this isn’t the first time this has happened. The last time I bought brakes shoes, the counter person did exactly the same thing (except this time it was at a Pep Boys store). But that time I at least knew to expect it. The person in front of me was buying air shocks for his Firebird. The counter guy had to ask if the Firebird was made by Pontiac. And then he asked the customer if he wanted two shocks…

Just remember this the next time you take your car in for an oil change. The guys under the lift changing your oil may not have been smart enough for the parts counter job.

Guest Blogging

In additional to all the wonderful things that GF is, she is also an excellent writer. Much, much better than I (although I’m not sure that’s really a compliment). Since I started this blog I’ve wanted her to contribute or at least to allow me to post some of her writings. I will soon get my wish. As soon as she can come up with a witty (but meaningful) moniker, GF will make the occasional appearance and wow you all with her brilliant writing. OK, I’m laying it on pretty thick, I know, so I’ll stop. We don’t want to scare her away…

Mini-Rant

I’m still digging out at work and I just came across something funny. Our company doesn’t do a big company holiday party for the usual bullcrap PC reasons. As a compromise, they have been doing an annual event in the fall that is basically the equivalent to a holiday party. Last year, even the fall event was pre-empted because they spent boo-coo bucks on a party in the summer time to celebrate a significant anniversary. I missed the summer party (I had concert tickets for one of my favorite bands) but apparently it was a big hit. So they’ve decided to do a similar thing again this year. On the little flyer that was circulated to get people to sign up, they have the following question:

We would prefer to
___ purchase food at the event
___ bring our own food

Huh? Where’s the option where they’re going to feed me? Is that too much to ask?

Happy

One of the happy fun things I got to do on my birthday yesterday was to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license. By a combination of silly hours, bad planning and general stupidity on my part, I was forced to do this on the day my license was set to expire. When I arrived and saw how packed the parking lot was, I knew I was in for a nice long wait.

The particular office I went to has recently been built and in a very uncharacteristic bureaucratic twist, the facility was designed with efficiency and intelligence in mind. When you walk into the building you are greeted at a reception desk where one person helps you identify which area you need and insures that you have the proper documentation before you can “take a number” from their automated system. The number prints out on a little piece of thermal paper and my number was 472. They were currently serving 364. That meant that there were 108 people and their families ahead of me and they were overflowing the usually more than ample seating area in front of the teller windows.

This monstrous wait (compounded by my stupidity) was threatening to make me late for my birthday dinner w/GF. I found myself standing in a talkative group of people and I joked that next week I planned to arrive early, get a ticket, and come back later and sell it to the highest bidder. Then I mentioned that it would be worth it to go to the front of the seating area and offer $20 for a ticket in the low 400’s in exchange for mine. And then the strange thing happened. The girl next to me offered me her ticket, number 426. It seems that before I arrived, someone got frustrated and tired of waiting and decided to leave. But before they did, they offered their ticket to someone else. She in turn passed hers on to the girl who had given me her ticket and of course, I passed mine on to the guy next to me who was overjoyed to score a ticket a mere 14 before his own. He passed his on and I’m sure the cycle continued. Less than an hour after arriving, I was on my way out the door with my new driver’s license in hand. And I was happy.

And so, one frustrated person made a whole bunch of other people happy.

(I’m sure there is a sad commentary in this story when an hour spent waiting at dmv on your birthday makes you happy.)

One Score and 15 Years Ago...

...the little state of Delaware was in the midst of the worst winter snowstorm in its recorded history (up until then). And on the front page of the Delaware State News the next day there was a story about how the stork had donned snowshoes to make a special delivery. Alas, my 15 minutes of fame were squandered at birth.

I don’t know the actual accumulation total, but I don’t think it was over 50 inches. Whatever it was, it was more than an entire winter seasons worth. My parents were really snowed in. The road between our house and the nearest town was bisected by a drift at least 10 feet tall. And when my father called for help, the road maintenance yard dispatcher told him that he had 3 snowplows stuck in the town on the other side of the drift that desperately needed a chain to free themselves. My dad had a chain and volunteered to walk the 2 miles into town to help free the stuck snowplows. And after slogging through 2 miles of snow with 50 lbs of chain over his back, he got to town to find that the plows were gone. (In a strange twist of fate, the dispatcher died several years later and my father is sure it had nothing to do with the way he cursed him that afternoon.) On the long cold slog back home, my father saw the bouncing light of a snowmobile coming through a field. He flagged the rider down to find a neighbor. Who knew anyone in Delaware owned a snowmobile? After explaining his predicament, the neighbor volunteered to help and gave Dad a ride back home where they bundled my mother up and stuck her on the back of the snowmobile. And then the snowmobile wouldn’t start. Mom went back in the house while my father and the kindly neighbor spent the next 2 hours wrenching on the snowmobile to make it run again. Finally, with a sled hung off the back for my father, the made their way into the little town to meet a waiting ambulance. Somewhere along they way they had lost Dad because he wasn’t on the sled when they got there.

Shortly after they got to the hospital my poor mother, who was already 2 weeks overdue, stopped having contractions. She distinctly remembers looking pleadingly into the doctor’s eyes and saying, “You have to do something. I have to have this baby. Too many people have done too much to get me here.” Around 5:00 AM the following morning, she got her wish.

Happy Birthday to me!

Withdrawal…

No, not the kind Jim is suffering from. I’ve done that one many times and just about consider myself a pro at that…

No, the kind of withdrawal I’m talking about is the kind most of my readers (all three of you) would likely all suffer from. Withdrawal from the Internet.

On my as of yet still unwritten about vacation, GF and I went to Arizona to visit our grandparents. My grandmother lives outside of Tucson, and her grandparents live outside of Phoenix. We spent half the time with each. My incredible 95-year-old grandmother does not have a computer. And although GF brought her laptop, we just didn’t have the interest in using a dialup and we suffered through 5 days without any Internet access.

I missed it, but I really needed to “unplug” and I’m glad I did. On the 5th day, we went back up to her grandparent’s house. Her grandmother has and uses her computer frequently, but I wasn’t even tempted. But then a funny thing happened. Shortly after we arrived at GF’s grandparents, my dear GF, who has up until this point only ever had a passing interest in blogs, reported to me that “Helen got her visa.”

Congrats Helen – you have a new lurker! Oh, and congrats on the visa too!

I Rate!!

No, I don't mean in a good way... I got my first spam comment last week. Apparently, some stupid spammer (is there any other kind?) thinks I get enough traffic to bother. Wonder if I'll have any luck collecting my $100 ad fee.

Now, what did I do with that mt-blacklist I downloaded...

UPDATE: Wow - they're some persistant suckers. I just got another and hopefully my last. Thank you, thank you, thank you mt-blacklist!

Great Grandparent Tour of 04'

Well, vacation is over and its back to the grind. I'm still struggling with Galas corollary to Murphy's Law so postage will continue to be light (Assuming light = non-existent). But I have some great material and I will be back.

Thanks for checking in!