July 7, 2005

I Remember

Over on Helen’s blog, in her comments, Cathy left this comment:

I am a 9/11 survivor and I am here to give you the best advice I know: TURN OFF THE TUBE. Watching the scenes again and again will only add to the inevitable post-traumatic stress and it will gain you NOTHING. TURN OFF THE TUBE. Go outside, put your hands in the dirt, gaze your eyes to the sky, hike until your hips hurt…

When I think back to 9/11, I remember many details about that day. I remember who first told me. I remember how the internet ground to a halt as everyone was trying to get information. I remember going down to the cafeteria where the TV’s were tuned to MSNBC. Big brass was in town and I remember management demanding that the TV’s be turned off and that everyone go back to their offices. Later, when management realized the gravity of the situation, the TV’s came back on. I remember wondering about how they would be able to repair (or demolish) the towers after they got the fires out. When the first tower collapsed, I realized that physics & chemistry had already been at work solving that problem. I remember going outside for a walk at 11:00 AM (lunchtime for people who start work at 6:00 AM) around our beautiful rural campus and noting the complete absence of contrails in the extremely clear blue sky. I remember the discussions I had with my buddy there at work on that walk. He was worried about his family and more attacks. I remember coming back in from that walk to find that management was telling us to go home. It was obvious there was no work getting done that day. Ironically, I remember having done a lot of work that morning before the attacks. I remember getting home only to have my then girlfriend call me to come over. I remember sitting on her couch, crying and watching those dreadful images on TV. I remember our decision to turn off the TV and go for a walk.

And that’s the strange thing. Of all the things I remember most, it’s that walk that always comes to mind first when I think of 9/11. I don’t even remember the exact route, but I remember most parts of it. I think we walked about 5 miles. I remember how very quite and peaceful the whole city was. I remember an old man sitting out front of his apartment building asking me if I was going to sign up tomorrow. It took me half a second to understand his question, then I realized he was talking about the military. I remember somberly telling him that I was willing, but that I was probably already too old and too blind.

After the walk, my memory of the day gets vague. I remember grilling veggies for dinner, but not being too hungry. And I remember resisting the urge to turn the TV back on, but not much else.

Somehow, that walk left a major impact on that day for me. Cathy’s comments are right. Turn off the tube. Go for a walk.

Posted by Clancy at July 7, 2005 3:11 PM