The City

GF and I went to ‘The City’ for a weekend get-away. We stayed in a nice hotel off 5th Avenue and caught a 'Phantom of The Opera' at the Majestic Theater. We both enjoy the occasion theater, but this was our first Broadway show and we thought Phantom would be a good way to start our new Broadway habit. And it was. 'Wicked' is next on the list.

New York is indeed a great town – we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and learned quite a lot. Below, in no particular order, are some of my observations:

• Chic, trendy hotels are staffed by the same.
• That is of no help at 2 o’clock in the morning when all you want is a synthetic pillow (because you’re allergic to feather pillows).
• Wrapping the pillow with a towel is an effective alternative.
• At the theater – the ‘will call’ line can often be the faster route inside.
• Always check your waiter’s math skills (add up your own bill).
• Times Square is for tourists. Real New Yorkers eat and shop elsewhere.
• In most stores – everything is negotiable.
• Manhattan is the pinnacle of capitalism. Anybody who’s anybody needs an office in Manhattan. And if you have an office in Manhattan, it must be extraordinarily opulent.
• All the problems in a cabbies world can seemingly be solved with a honk.
• All honks are not created equal. The frequency and duration is actually a super-secret New York cabbie type of Morse code.
• The subway is excellent transportation as long as you don’t have to go cross town.
• If you have to go cross town, never try to catch a cab at 4:00 PM. It’s shift change time and they are all out of service or will only take a fare is it’s going back to the garage (which is always up or downtown from where you are).
• The 4:00 rule hold true for the police too. If you want to be a criminal in New York, do it at shift change.
• The above two rules are common knowledge for all New Yorkers.
• A ‘Short’ block in midtown Manhattan is 1/10 of a mile. ‘Long’ blocks are 1/5 of a mile.
• Do not walk 40+ blocks BEFORE you go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
• NJ Rail conductors are conductors for a reason, and that reason is not a love for trains.
• Although they act like they do, NJ Rail conductors do not have the authority to arrest you, but they have radios and can call someone who does.
• If you have ever considered living in New Jersey, ride NJ Rail into New York first. The view out of the train window is almost bleak and depressing enough to make you forget about your rage against the dickheaded conductor with the child molester mustache.

Posted by Clancy at April 5, 2004 3:03 PM